Scars

In this life, pain is unavoidable and should never be glossed over.

But how we get to the healing and the ultimate scar is what differentiates us from those who goes over the cliff and those who stay on to just extend it a little. The scar will remain, and I know I may revisit it from time to time - why I don’t know. To relive the pain of it all?

Nah! That scar shouldn’t be a reminder of the pain. But it shouldn't be one that feeds the darkness.

That scar needs to be a reminder to ‘keep the good stuff’. And a reminder of how it got me to that place. Perhaps next time I try to run the game myself, I should revisit the scar as a reminder to take the easier way - the way to the one who can stitch me up, and put me back together better than anyone - even me!

In heat!

I think I overdid the bit on durians ... I skipped dinner and wolfed down a whole fruit and found myself at the moment feeling quite feverish ...

Poverty

"A pessimist sees the difficulties in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty".

~ Winston Churchill

Today I am comfortable. Not wealthy. Not poor. But I never go to bed at night worried about money. Never. I am confident that even though economic downturns are not out of the question for me, that I’ll be OK.

I know because I’ve been there. Done that.

I have been through periods of growing up where menus were anything but glamorous (canned meals spread over a couple of days, cereal ... even a glass of warm water). I lived through moments like these in the early periods of my post-teen life.

Poverty is real. What some families are, or will be, going through is a big deal. I know it’s a big deal. I was there. I have seen my family go through it.

But there were three things I learned while in the pits (and it was the pits!) of those years. Hopefully, it will help those going through this to see - or imagine - that there is a light at the end of the tunnel sooner, rather than later. Staying focused on that even when it seems that all is dark.

First, we can always make a buck somehow. No matter what. Ask those resourceful people who choose to use public empathy to beg instead of cleaning house or washing plates at a restaurant. I personally don't agree with what they are doing but that's their choice. When you have to do whatever you can to feed yourself, you have a choice to make. To hang onto pride, or to get it done. It can be a crunching, humbling experience. And one of the richest ones we may ever have as individuals if we find ourselves in it.

Second, we are not defined by what we own. Ever. When you are defined by what you own, just the thought of losing it can be devastating. It can take away all semblance of reason and joy, and you miss the golden opportunity to see what is really important. By the time we are through all of it, we will realise that we own very little of intrinsic value. Very little. Some things are just not that important.

Third, we are defined by what we believe. Always. When you are defined by what you believe you don’t lose it when the economy heads south. No matter what job you have, or don’t have. I believed through every comment, criticism, dagger looks; no matter how much hurt we go through in life and love, there will be moments where we make a choice for ourselves.

And, by far the most important thing that I learned through those dark times was that what was “OK” to God through the written word may be a very different picture than my “OK”, or the “OK” that is being painted by every one else around me.

I’ve never lost sight of that learning.

Learning

"I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger" … lyrics from Rod Stewart’s song Ooh La La (there's an awesome rendition of it with The Corrs on YT)

I love that song. I love it because it sums up when I find myself in a melancholic mood. Those moments when I look back and lament the past. And not always because the incident was horrible but because, perhaps, maybe, it could have been so much better … if I had only known.

Here are two recurring Ooh La La moments for me …

I left Adelaide to return home at the age of 24 leaving behind idealistic dreams of being a citizen of the world in search of knowledge to begin a career in media. Absolutely not a bad result. But … and here’s the Ooh La La moment … if I had remained and stuck around Down Under then, would my career have taken a more fortuitous turn? But then I didn’t know then what I know now. I would have become a teacher, rather than a businessman - and possibly hated it ... although I think I may have excelled equally as one.

The second one that comes back to haunt and tease and poke at me is that I did little to capture - in writing, in film, in organized albums - the life moments of my growing up. As I drool over my friends’ photos and blogs and scrapbook pages, it saddens me to think I missed opportunities to create more lasting memories. But then I didn’t know then what I know now.

So whatever I would have created would have been just experiences left in my mind. But then again, it’s the documentation of the memories, not the memories that I screwed up on … so there!

Ooh La La moments can paralyze us. They can wrap us up in regrets and wishful thinking that get in the way of the present. If we don’t put them into perspective, they can mire us down in daydreams and frustrations and regrets. So here’s three things that help me avoid that dead end …

Laugh.
Laugh at the thought of what life might have been like with this hindsight (or would it have been foresight?) Nothing (and I stress nothing!) changes the past. Instead of dwelling on the fairy tale endings, I start with imagining some of the bad and goofy things that might have resulted had I known. That always get me chuckling … Ok, sometimes it makes me nauseous.

Learn.
Learn from what I went through. We are who we are today, and we know what we know today, because of what we survived yesterday. (That’s a fortune cookie insert waiting to happen!) I believe book knowledge is fleeting (and easily retrieved); but life experience (good or bad), when juiced for all its worth, can bring us to incredible insights and growth today. (Ok, this whole paragraph is priceless - someone embroider it on a pillow for me!)

Share.
I stopped hiding my story. Everyone’s got one. I started jotting mine down a few years ago - in a journal, on this blog, on sticky notes, on a bulletin board, on scraps of paper simulating a book (Ok, not there yet!) Hopefully, someone else’s present can benefit as a result of knowing what I know now.

As much as I love the song, the second line to that Rod Stewart chorus - I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was stronger - does fly in the face of my reality.

If someone had told me then that I would be writing in the public domain, that I would be working where I am working, that I would be speaking in front of large audiences without fear, that I would be comfortable being me … all I can say is that I am stronger today than I have ever been in my life … and it’s because of what I did then, that I know now.

Sometimes, regrets are unavoidable ... and if we begin to embrace them and know in our soul we have done all we can to the best of our abilities, you know, we can still leave this world with a bit of warmth amongs the lives of people we touch and a smile on our face.

Get Weird!

John Putzier in his book, Get Weird, described divergent thinking as ‘intellectual originality, counter-intuitive, creative thought; thinking outside of the box’.

In a study he cites on divergent thinking, 5-year olds scored a whopping 98% for creativity! Older folks - those over 25 (yes, that’s what the study says) ranked at a pitiful 2%!!

At the young age of 25 most people would have stepped into a comfort zone of conformity. We all start looking the same, acting the same, spak the same, being the same.

In Gordon Mackenzie’s fun book, Orbiting the Giant Hairball, he wrote, “My guess is that there was a time - perhaps when you were very young - when you had at least a fleeting notion of your own genius and were just waiting for some authority figure to come along and validate it for you. But none ever came.”

And so, you turned your back on some of that spontaneity, some of the spark that made you a genius kid - a divergent thinker.

Is being a non-conformist a bad thing? What does that mean? Given that there aren’t any perfect people around at all anymore, we should celebrate our individual uniqueness. The original You! After all, there is only one!!

This goes beyond today’s approach to diversity. When ‘diversity initiatives’ hit the business world 15 or so years ago, it smacked of affirmative action - rewarding or hiring legislated on the basis of skin color or gender, rather than performance or abilities. And we still have this colonial mindset in our country today, unfortunately!

Please don’t get me wrong, in certain situations years before, it had its place. But honoring diversity as God wants us to is different than it being legislated within a business in order to meet a quota.

As a man over 40, it disgusted me that race can be administered to be a part of a ‘quota’ when I was growing up. I thought rewards and privileges were based on merits. I joined the workforce many years ago with the desire to be rewarded and stay employed at my job because I am the most qualified for it, and because my performance was exemplary. I wanted to be rewarded because of who I am, and what I have achieved not because of the checkbox on a diversity scorecard.

I am trying to live and love beyond a human scorecard. Beyond the color of my skin or whether I was born a female or a male. None of that should matter.

I am trying to be that genius kid who was looking for validation from the world. God validated the genuises in us when he created each of us.

So, don't we owe it to ourselves to get beyond what looks and feels different, and accept that genius in each other as individuals - unique, defined by original DNA found only in one person, only in that one soul. And it’s that soul that screams for acceptance. Not what society wants them to be, expects them to be, or even rewards them for being.

I challenge each of us to get back to weird!

Intellectually original, counter-intuitive, creative thinkers! Back to the original you that the Almighty created you to be!

Now, wouldn’t that be a fucking blast???!!

*******

I am extremely peeved today because in my efforts to nurture and look after the interests of individuals, they have become complacent and stopped being innovative thinkers.